Diary of my Today

It's the things that cross your mind when you are alone.The truth of your existence when you wake up in the middle of night.That feeling when you are facing the worst of your fears,that exact moment in which you cross the line.The line between it being a fear and it turning into a reality.I have scared myself to tears as I tore down the walls of trauma in my life.I have ugly cried as I watched my fears become a reality.The painful thing about this wasn't the fears it was the walls coming down.I have had to look into the mirror and watch in horror as I lost control of the safety I created.The thing that took me so many years to build I had to let it go.Because as beautiful as it was it still wasn't right for me.I have listened to myself as broke down because things were changing and let me tell you it wasn't easy.You should see me now,i made it through to the other side.The side where I am healing,where I can listen without reacting.Where I can know the exact moment something changes in my emotions.I can now tell when my body is responding to a situation.I get to be present in a moment when I feel comfortable enough.Here is my favorite part of this journey,it took a village.An entire support system to get here.Needing help is strength.The ability to be vulnerable and let other people see be there for you takes a lot of strength.I know because I have been there and looking back i am grateful.I got this far because my hand was held when I couldn't hold it up no more.My faith was kept alive by others when I couldn't keep it anymore. Today i smile because the process of healing is continuous and now I know no matter what I am going to be okay.