25:10:2023

I have learnt to be present in my emotions.Taught myself to listen to my body,the changes in my psychic. It is very interesting that now I know when something changes.Like today, I don't feel whole, something is off, really really off.I have thought about it, listened to exact time in which my mood changed.It is a very trying space to be in because it gives me the power to change it.The reality is there things I don't need to change,I need to feel the pain,to experience the consequences of my feelings.I have to go through them to heal them and in being in such a space is really interesting.Knowing that you can change it but living is necessary for growth.

Most of us spend our lives running from our feelings,we run for the things that make us feel.We do everything we can not be powerless,we use every avenue we have to ensure we have control.Yet control is what messes us up,it is what takes away our ability to deal with our pain,our traumas.Control takes away from our ability to enjoy our wins,to feel our joy,to celebrate the things we have worked so hard to achieve.Instead of being present in the moment we try so hard to keep the factors constant.

Little Pieces of Me

 I looked in the mirror and there stood a beautiful girl, beautiful in all her essence. I have been to the bottom of the sea where monsters live and survive. I have been to the darkest of places and I came out shining bright. I have been unable to sleep because the things going on in my life could not let me close my eyes in peace. There are days I slept more than normal, like no matter what time it was I could just close my eyes and fall asleep. Not much is said about the seasons that we are okay but really we aren’t okay. It has been a journey an interesting one actually. For the past few years, the healing process has been amazing, I have learned a lot of things. I have learned I can actually be very indifferent to things. The one thing I had promised myself when I started this journey is I wasn’t going to let my circumstances change who I am. It takes a lot of strength to accept that the beautiful parts of you are the reason someone hurt you in the first place. It's fascinating how many people change that just so they can protect themselves from future pain. I am a happy girl, honest, straightforward and I have a beautiful personality. Have people used that against me in the past? Yes, they have. I chose to accept that just because I got hurt doesn’t mean I give up the things that define me. So I chose me and I must say that as soon as I made peace the universe aligned. Today when I look in the mirror I see a happy girl. I see a girl who is content with everything. If there’s something that I learned very fast no matter what you do, something will always try to drag you back. Days like those chose to focus on the goal, which is being healthy. I wear my scars with pride no one can shame me for my choices or for the things that happened in my past. I enjoy my wins with so much grace because I have earned every single one of them. My mental health is at a level healthy place, my physical health is at a good place and everything else is where it usually is, I am figuring it out. I like what I see every time I look in the mirror. I love what I feel every day and I am amazed that I recognize now how much of me is amazing. I am happy truly and I know that no matter what this is who I am. This is what makes me and for that, I get to say I am okay.,

 

July 17:2023

I can hear the walls closing in ,the windows crushing as they fold to the pressure. The doors are broken because they can't hold anymore.And I know in this moment that the time has come.The close of a new beginning .The end of an era.She has stood the test of time.

The healing process

I have a really wild mind.Like there are very few things I can't tell you I haven't thought about.Like why the sky is blue and the clouds are white.You know the kind of stuff that seems normal to everyone..But the things that come close to me and my well being,well those I have thought about.I even took the time to look at my mistakes,my pain and what I would have done differently to make it better.Nothing has come close to the self healing journey I have been through to come to a place of healing.I have done the work,I have paid the price.Through this journey I have realized there are things you can't change,things you can't outgrow and most importantly things you can't detach from.So you smile and learn to wear your scars with pride.Wear them with honor and stand up so tall no one can put you down.Because in the end the only person that matters is you and only you can make the best version of what you want.Go forth and bring the best to life..

The healing process

One day you are young ,with all your dreams intact.You are ready to face the world and conquer it.The next you are an adult with experiences that you don't even know how you survived.You are almost sure that they could have killed you but you are still here.So you wake up and try again.This time with measures to protect yourself.The irony is you will not know when your walls will come down again. All you can do is ask God to give you a safe space,so when your walls come down you will experience divine living.You will live in the joys of life and it's abundance.That you will smile again and that no matter what your tears will not flow unless they are tears of joy.
However for you to get to this space you need to have healed.You need to be free from all the trauma,all the pain ,all the triggers.You need to have accepted your mistakes,the things that you contributed to your good and bad times. Wear your scars with honor so that when you rise you can grow above the stigma,the shame the trigger and all remainders of what was.

She

She looks in the mirror
All she can see is fear
Maybe mirror is broken
Or her strength is shaken

She reaches for the sky
With the hopes to try
But her hands fall down
No strength to hold on

The healing process

Each one of us has a believe system.A way in which we think the world should work for it to make sense.The truth is it never really does because most people don't take the time to accept that your believes are not everyone else's.So you find someone imposing their lives and systems to others.The leading cause of depression right now is relationships.You get in knowing what you want and deep down knowing this person is different.So you tell yourself they will change for you.Time goes by and you realize they are who they are.By this time you are in too deep and don't know how to get out.So you stay a frustrated man or a broken woman.Here is my believe system, relationships are a beautiful space.Be yourself,what you love,hate and everything you care for.From the beginning be authentic and do not think for one minute that if you compromise your partner will.Love yourself enough to be you .There is only one you.Protect your mental health.

#rebuild#

restructure