Parenting Chronicles

Last week my little human brought home a piece of paper.An invite to a birthday party, handwritten with different colors.I remember thinking that must have been a lot of work for the writer.Veey good English by the way, punctuation and all.This invite had instructions,to enter one had to go with the "invite card" the handwritten one .They also had to go with a gift for the birthday girl.Huko kwa committee they also decided to dress well and look good for the birthday.Today was the birthday,hakuna kuchoma,I made sure hair looked good and there was a gift.What was left was for my human to dress and show up. I was home before she left ,she picks an outfit and I go😳😳😳😳😳.She asks what's wrong and I ask ,do you want to go like that? She said yes and then added "I look very stylish" Me:What do I know🤷🤷Na sio Mimi naenda birthday.Mimi I come from a generation where a birthday or any event meant dressing a certain way.Hawa wako na style Yao na nikama sielewi kapsaa.I took pictures,she left and I went somewhere.I get home this evening and I ask her how the birthday went. She says it was not fun.I didn't think I heard her so I asked again she said it wasn't fun at all. Well as it turns out they had cake, several snacks and sodas.There was also extra cake for people who came with gifts.Now I am totally lost,so I ask what wasn't fun.She says there was no music and they didn't relax one bit."There was no joy and no fun".Me 😳😳🙆🙆🙆🤦🤦🤦🤦🤔🤔🤔🤷🤷🤷.Yani snacks and sugar rush isn't fun anymore?Like hata cake pekee yake sio fun? Thanks to Kenya power she can't see my face because my facial expressions are going wild.Woi mama nani who broke the bank to host tiny people.Probably spent the whole morning cleaning and getting enough glasses to host her kids friend's Chei🙆🙆🙆. Halafu the kids in this place I know them..So stauliza kama walimwambia because I know they did.This generation Yani..Before I said anything she said"I told mama nani thank you, She was very kind and gave me water when I asked.," Probably this woman didn't know what they wanted and they didn't ask.Personally I also wouldn't put music because many tiny people dancing is chaotic.Add music to sugar rush and you will never host children again.Well I hope this generation carries their audacity to adulthood because they will need it.

#Cbcchronicles

#intentionalparenting

DIARY OF MY TODAY

I am looking into the eyes of a child.Let me start from the beginning,I am sitting somewhere and across from me is a baby and her mom.She is about a year old and is being a baby,wants to play,wants to be held and is even trying to eat everything she touches.She keeps smiling at me and I keep wondering how pure children are. 

I am admiring the casual way in which this baby is existing, falling because she knows she'll be caught.Keeps biting things just because.The purity and ability to be free spirited in children is amazing.Its been an interesting few minutes before I remember something.

Someone has been saying that I have baby fever.I don't think I do because for many years now it has been my conscious decision to not have another child.I have thought alot about it lately.The fact that I am craving teddy bears, like every time I see one I go "Aaaaw that's so cute". 

One thing is for sure,I know that am not ready but now I am no longer terrified.I know that one day I might get another,one day I might try again.Unlike two years ago when it was a definite no,now I don't feel like I can't do it. 

Would I get pregnant today if I had the chance, definitely NO.Will I do it next year I don't know.What I know is the trauma that led me to anxiety every time I thought about a baby is gone.The reason that kept me awake every time I had a pregnancy scare is gone . Isn't that beautiful?

In psychology this isn't about a baby,the need to have one or the craving to think about it.It isn't about tiny little feet and tiny little hands ,it is about more.It is about this journey,the healing process and the realities of how much has changed.

I look at the mirror and see a beautiful girl, a grown woman who had conquered her fears.A beautiful princess who has an amazing story.An amazing mother that has raised a beautiful, confident girl.An intentional parent who wakes up each day and chose to be a parent.The parent that stayed,the parent that prides in this choice to be a mother,I love that I get to do this journey.

I see a daughter that has done everything she could to make her parents proud.I see a beautiful sister that has shown up for her siblings,the best way she knows how.

Professionally I may not be where I want to be,but I have shown up for my clients the best way there is.I have held the Hippocratic Oath to the highest of regards.I have held my end of being ethical.

Today as I look into this innocent eyes,I know for a fact that it's God's way of saying something.Its his way of reminding me that this alleged baby fever is about how far I have come to get to a place of peace.A place of love,peace and contentment.The place of pure Grace.I have come to a place of living as God intended to,as a woman worthy of his name.

Conquering your fears

As children we are taught to fear what scares us.You tell your child to call an adult when they are scared,to run from a person that looks scary.We teach our children that they should be safe and teach them to avoid the things that exposed them to danger.The chanel's we think are inappropriate we block them, we protect them ,we do our best to make this difficult works safe.Its our job as parents.Its what our parents and guardians did for us.The irony is once you become an adult you are expected to conquer your fears.You are expected to rise above,to scare the adult that looks scary.The fear of darkness that you have ,you have to deal with it.The boss that scares you ,there is no choice than to deal.For most people though the ways we learn to deal may not be healthy but they are effective. So we use them to conquer the world.Today we have this conversation about how this generation is different from the one before it .What we forget it we are trying to be better ,give more,protect more,heal our traumas through our children. In this journey we forget what is important,we forget to stop and think about the effects of all of the things we do.There is a reason mental health issues have risen ,there is a reason people are broken beyond what they can see. We have refused to heal ourselves so that we can be better human beings,better friends.Those of us that have gone through the process to heal and stay away from triggers aren't even better.Because when we heal,we shut people out,we think everyone is going to mess up our peace,we run at the slightest change of events.We forget that the more we shut people out the more we are on our own.As cliche as it sounds no man is an island and no one has ever made it through life on their own.

Protect your peace ,love yourself and do not forget that you can make a difference. Go thee and use your scars to make the world a better place.

June 20th 2023

How fast do we forget that the things we have are the things we prayed for.The things that we worked so hard to get.We forget that there are days we stayed up all night trying to make our ends meet.The jobs that we have ,how much we hoped we would get them.The assets that we own ,how much sweat and tears it took for them to be in your name.Then there is the most valuable of all children.You have people that have your DNA. Women let's talk about this kidogo,today of all the days you have decided it is an insult day...Well since you are the same people preaching generational curses then it's time we ask where those curses come from..

You are cursing your baby daddy,calling him all the names, wishing the worst for him.Do you know that those curses will get to him and then his next generation which Is your child will inherit it.Before we go any further can we agree that we should raise babies better than our choices.You made he choice to keep the child,you are spending every single day , every sweat and tears raising this kid.And then you wake up one morning and start cursing them because why.🤷🤷🤷

Yes he left,yes he pays absolutely no bills .He doesn't show up for his child.He fails to keep his promises and for the most of them they even blocked you..So now you need to pick a side and heal.You cannot be a vindictive human being cursing and calling people names then turn around use the same mouth to bless your children.As a society we need to do better with our kids.We need to do better with our next generation. When a person leaves let him be.Don't follow him with insults ,don't be in his business.Unless you want to sue him for custody in which case go the legal way.But if you have decided to be the staying parent be a healthy parent,a blessing parent.Forgive yourself for chosing a person like him,forgive him for not stepping up.

And men this idea of saying children will look for you when they are adults is an absolute ghetto.Either raise your children or stay away for eternity.Before you say the mum's are refusing to let you see the kids,have you tried a lawyer? Have you tried to get a mediator between the two of you.Or you just want to show up and see the kids talking about all the reasons why you can't provide for your kids.. Oh am not shopping for that woman to eat and things like that... Y'all need to grow up or go away.

We need to do better ,we need to heal.Heal from your pain,from your choices and wear your consequences with pride .To the women celebrating themselves as father's ,sister you are not a father you are the parent who stayed..Just like single dad's aren't mum's they are the parent that stayed...

From the writers corner.Happy Father's Day gentlemen.I hope it's not too late to salvage what is left of the rest of this day..

#forgive

#rebuild

Good deeds

Our caretaker went home for like a week.The agency got a substitute for the few days.CBC humans terrorized that man everyday for the time he was here.They asked him his name then called him by the other one's name anyway.They asked him if the usual caretake employed him and how much he was being paid.They asked him if he would stop taking his money so he would come back.By the third day this guy stopped being available when they are home from school.Yesterday another one came during the day..From the way he looked he was more like our usual.This time it's the adults who gave him the side eye.I even heard one man ask him for our usual.When he said he wasn't there that dude just told him"huyo ndio nataka" I felt bad for this guy because he got here yesterday and was expected to tell of his predecessors exact location.I have realized something change is hard for most people.We like thing the way that we are accustomed to.We appreciate being able to understand why things are changing around us.The most interesting part is when it's time for the change we want them we rally for it.Anyway we woke up this morning and he is back.I can hear the kids scream his name as they welcome him back .They ask him if he'll be here when they get home from school.I see the adults waiting for that answer with hope. I know for a fact that he knows he was missed truly.Do your work so well even the tiny CBC people miss you when you are gone for awhile.

#Nairobichronicles

#humanity 

#rebuild

Parenting Chronicles

My daughter has been asking to do things on her own.Interesting that every time she does I get this feeling of both pride and fear.I live in a city where security is questionable even in the best of estates.So here I am four meters behind her while she walks home.You would think I wasn't here because of the way she keeps looking before crossing a path.Or the way she is avoiding  walking directly towards people.I am thinking she is okay doing this everyday:walking home from school that is.But the truth is it is scary to let our children go and no matter how much we pretend we want them to need us.So am gonna walk many meters behind for very many days in the foreseeable future. Parenting has no manual so we just wing it and hope our best is enough for our children.