From the mouth of babes

My child has an infection.Its minor, however she needed mediation so I got her some.They don't taste so well because it's medicine.This morning am giving her a dose and she is whispering something."I am brave, I am brave". I am marvelling at the way she is calm saying it and takes the medicine without cringing.In that moment I realize something really interesting about our existence.

She knew what it tasted like,she knew she didn't like it and so she was prepared.She found a way to calm herself through that. Reminded herself that she could do it and then she did.The power of the human mind.

I want to borrow this phenomenal way if dealing with everyday. Life changes everyday,we know it's not easy.We know that it's not predictable,we even know what is likely to be difficult.From this amazing tiny human we can learn to accept that we still have to live it.We can learn that we need to be ready for the tough times and so we speak power to our situation.Remind ourselves that we are brave,that we are strong enough to deal.Yes it's Monday,there's a bad taste in your mouth because it's not going exactly how you want.But you are brave and you can do this.

The ideology that you have done it before,got through worse, conquered tougher time is enough.Its enough for you to know that one more dose and you are closer to the goal.One more step of you being brave and you get closer to making it.

No man is an island and we all need someone in our lives.It can be a tiny human reminding us to brave our fears.Showing us in her small way that if she can get through a bad taste then we can get through adulting.

Happy week ahead,may your blessings locate you at the point of your need.

DIARY OF MY TODAY

I am looking into the eyes of a child.Let me start from the beginning,I am sitting somewhere and across from me is a baby and her mom.She is about a year old and is being a baby,wants to play,wants to be held and is even trying to eat everything she touches.She keeps smiling at me and I keep wondering how pure children are. 

I am admiring the casual way in which this baby is existing, falling because she knows she'll be caught.Keeps biting things just because.The purity and ability to be free spirited in children is amazing.Its been an interesting few minutes before I remember something.

Someone has been saying that I have baby fever.I don't think I do because for many years now it has been my conscious decision to not have another child.I have thought alot about it lately.The fact that I am craving teddy bears, like every time I see one I go "Aaaaw that's so cute". 

One thing is for sure,I know that am not ready but now I am no longer terrified.I know that one day I might get another,one day I might try again.Unlike two years ago when it was a definite no,now I don't feel like I can't do it. 

Would I get pregnant today if I had the chance, definitely NO.Will I do it next year I don't know.What I know is the trauma that led me to anxiety every time I thought about a baby is gone.The reason that kept me awake every time I had a pregnancy scare is gone . Isn't that beautiful?

In psychology this isn't about a baby,the need to have one or the craving to think about it.It isn't about tiny little feet and tiny little hands ,it is about more.It is about this journey,the healing process and the realities of how much has changed.

I look at the mirror and see a beautiful girl, a grown woman who had conquered her fears.A beautiful princess who has an amazing story.An amazing mother that has raised a beautiful, confident girl.An intentional parent who wakes up each day and chose to be a parent.The parent that stayed,the parent that prides in this choice to be a mother,I love that I get to do this journey.

I see a daughter that has done everything she could to make her parents proud.I see a beautiful sister that has shown up for her siblings,the best way she knows how.

Professionally I may not be where I want to be,but I have shown up for my clients the best way there is.I have held the Hippocratic Oath to the highest of regards.I have held my end of being ethical.

Today as I look into this innocent eyes,I know for a fact that it's God's way of saying something.Its his way of reminding me that this alleged baby fever is about how far I have come to get to a place of peace.A place of love,peace and contentment.The place of pure Grace.I have come to a place of living as God intended to,as a woman worthy of his name.